Rubik's Cube
by macrauchenia
Summary: After his mother's death, Kaneki decides that growing up quickly is the only way he'll ever be safe. Even if it means being alone. However, all his self-taught lessons in maturity don't prepare him for meeting Hide, an enthusiastic kid. Kaneki slowly thaws to Hide's friendship, but he isn't sure what to do when his friend stops coming to the park [Age Difference AU] [TG BigBang]
1. Lost in the Playground

**Author's Note:** This fic is a product of the "Tokyo Ghoul Reverse Bang" where the authors create a story inspired by work from an artist. My partner, Reden (kreddie on tumblr), is incredibly talented and you should check out his amazing art to this fic on the BigBang main site. GUys, it's beautiful.

Also, massive thanks to Skie and the other Mods of the BB event. I really appreciate all of your help and your support (even though I never actually got a beta draft to you :'))

**Info about this Story: **This is an AU where Kaneki and Hide first meet at a park. Kaneki is a few years older than Hide, roughly 13 and 10 at the beginning. (Also, no ghouls, I guess?)

* * *

There are no strangers at his mother's funeral.

No one approaches him with exclamations of how much he's grown or offers fond memories of shared school days. He recognizes the few in attendance: his aunt, his cousin, and the elderly neighbor who used to watch him when his mother was away.

Surely, he believes, there must have been others who cared for his mother. After all, he has fond memories of flipping through her old school book long after she had fallen asleep, marveling at how young she looked when surrounded by friends instead of artificial flowers. However, no one else joins the mourners and Kaneki bitterly wonders how all those smiling faces could have abandoned his mother.

He stares down at his hands when he can no longer look at the empty room or his mother's photograph. The sleeves of his suit swallow his wrists and skim the edges of his knuckles. It's a painful reminder of how small he truly is.

_A child, _he muses.

He glances at the bouquet of white chrysanthemums and his frown deepens. He hates them and how much they remind him of the flowers that stole his mother's life. He had tried to argue with his aunt, insisting that _anything_ would have been better than _those, _but she dismissed him with a wave of the hand while flipping through the sparse collection of condolence envelopes.

White chrysanthemums are the cheapest option, she had said. What would a child know about real world expenses anyway?

Kaneki swallows as the priest drones on. He speaks of his mother's kindness and her generosity, but as Kaneki listens closer he realizes the words are intentionally vague, sterilized of any personal touch.

He hates the priest's voice too. It fluctuates between a nasally whine and a dull monotone, turning his mother's short life into a chore rather than a celebration.

His aunt hired the priest for his low fees and flexible schedule. Kaneki wanted to replace him within seconds of meeting him, but no one asked for the opinions of a child.

_A child,_ he repeats.

Someone with no choice.

* * *

He doesn't have a choice when they force him to move in with his aunt and abhorrent cousin, when they force him to leave behind the only home he ever knew.

Kaneki tries to tell the woman reviewing his case that he can live on his own. He's had experience making food and cleaning the house and digging bills out from piles of scraps, he explains. The lady smiles and shakes her head, looking through him as she writes down his next of kin.

No one listens to him then either.

His first week is quiet, but it reminds him of the calm before the storm. He can see the looming clouds in his aunt's eyes when an extra bowl must be set out for each meal or when the first letter about school fees arrives.

Each evening, Kaneki retreats to his small room—a repurposed closet, barely large enough for his futon to fit sideways—and studies the words he's scrawled on the page hours after his mother's funeral. Several characters are smudged by dried tears, but he knows the words by heart now.

_Become an adult. Focus on the future. Avoid distractions._

It's more of a mantra than a plan, but Kaneki knows if he follows these words religiously, then there's a chance he might just make it. He won't be a child without a choice; he won't be looked through again.

As soon as he's grown, he'll finally be free, even if that means he'll be alone.

(When he remembers the empty room at his mother's funeral, he realizes he doesn't have much use for "friends" and their empty promises anyway.)

* * *

Kaneki's dreamless sleep is interrupted by a wet sniffle that seems to come from directly above him. His brow twitches and his heavy eyelids resist before he finally pries them open.

Bright brown eyes flood his immediate field of vision and Kaneki forces himself to stay still instead of jerking upright. His sluggish brain realizes that the eyes belong to a round face, a boy who hovers over Kaneki and blinks expectantly.

When he sees that Kaneki's awake, the boy shifts backwards into a crouch, brushing a dribble of snot away with the back of a sleeve. Kaneki's still trying to figure out what's going on, so his sleep addled brain fixates on the mucus, noting how close it came to dripping on him.

_Gross…_

"Who are you?" the boy asks.

Kaneki's eyes remained trained on the rubbed, raw skin at the base of the boy's nose. "Uh, Kaneki."

"My name is Hide. My full name is really long, so just call me Hide. Everyone does."

Kaneki blinks the last of the fog away and pulls himself up into a sitting position. Mulch splinters bite into his jacket and backside, but he ignores them as he draws his knees to his chest. His book slips out of his lap and tumbles to the ground. Hide's eyes dart towards it.

"Was it really that boring?"

"Huh?"

"Your book." Hide tilts his head, eyes rolling up slightly as he considers his next words. "You were only reading for a little bit when you fell asleep."

Despite the warm spring afternoon, it's cool in the shadow of the giant whale tail. It's one of his favorite places to hide when he doesn't want to return to his aunt's apartment. He's rarely disturbed here, the younger kids preferring to spend their time in the sunlit center of the park.

Though, apparently, he can't hide from everyone.

"You were watching me?" The corner of Kaneki's mouth twists and his eyebrows drop. _That's kind of creepy. _

Hide nods enthusiastically. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to play, but then I saw you were sleeping, so I wasn't gonna bother you. But, uhh, then I got bored of waiting."

_ He wanted to play with me? How old is this kid? He looks like a grade schooler._

"I wasn't sleeping. I was resting my eyes," Kaneki counters, glancing away with pursed lips.

"Uh huh," Hide says, the edges of his eyes crinkling.

He's not about to stoop to this kid's level by arguing back. Kaneki scowls and reaches for his book, but Hide grabs it first, flipping through the pages with a growing concern.

"There's no pictures?"

"So? Why does there have to be pictures?"

"To make it less boring!" Hide opens to the first page and skims the first few lines. Evidently, he finds it unsatisfactory as he closes the book with a shake of his head. "No wonder you fell asleep!"

_"I didn't fall asleep!" _Kaneki insists through his teeth, reaching out and taking his book back from Hide. He considers this nuisance for a few seconds before climbing to his feet. Jitters race up Kaneki's shins as the blood lethargically flows in his legs again. He tries to do his best stomp, but he can't quite feel his toes, so he ends up wobbling away from Hide. A hardly dignified retreat.

Hide trails behind, nearly bouncing in his eagerness. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"We?"

"Yeah, now that you're awake we can play, right?"

Kaneki stops and glances back at Hide. Now that they're standing, he can see that he has several centimeters on him. Hide's face is round with residual baby fat, his eyes a bit too large for his face.

"How old are you?"

"Ten, but I'll be eleven soon."

Kaneki scoffs before nodding. It makes sense. The kid is several years younger than him, no older than a fourth or fifth grader. He resumes his journey, making a beeline for the benches. The benches are more crowded than under the whale tail, filled with chatting parents and pouting children in time-out, but hopefully it'll deter Hide. He seems like the kind of kid who can't stay still for long.

"Wait, why are we going over by the benches?"

"Because I'm going to read."

"Wha? Really? But that's not as fun."

"It's fun for me," Kaneki sniffs and settles down on the first empty bench. Hide hops onto the bench as well, scooching until his hip bumps into Kaneki. Kaneki side-eyes him with a frown, but decides it'll be easier to wait him out. He cracks open his book, flipping through the pages to get back to his spot.

However, he can't quite slip back into his fictional haven. His eyes roam over the same sentence three times, but the words feel just as foreign and unreadable as if he were reading another language. He's acutely aware of Hide's radiating warmth beside him, the minute fidgeting as he swings his legs.

Kaneki sighs and closes his book. There's no point trying anymore. Hide perks up, waiting to see what Kaneki will do next now that he's given up on reading.

"Now can we—"

"I have to go," Kaneki interrupts, slipping off the bench. His side feels strangely light without the pressure of Hide leaning against him.

Hide's expression droops, his shoulders slumping. "Oh, okay. I'll see you later then?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Kaneki grabs his backpack strap and hoists the bag on his shoulder, sparing a final glance in Hide's direction as he trudges back towards his aunt's apartment.

_What a weird kid._

* * *

Several days later, Kaneki pulls himself to the top of the domed jungle gym. When he was younger, he liked to pretend that he was an omniscient ruler and the dark mulch marked the boundaries of his domain. Now, he feels like an aged king who has lost touch with those around him. His once-loyal subjects—the other parkgoers, who he would bestow with ridiculous secrets and backstories—are complete strangers now.

From his lofty vantage point, he can still see every inch of the playground, from the gurgling toddlers shredding grass stalks and the babies snoozing in their strollers to the elementary school kids, shrieking and racing around playground equipment with arms and fingers outstretched.

He doesn't know any of them and they don't know him.

He assumes he won't be bothered up here, but that illusion soon shatters when vibrations at the base of the jungle gym alert him of someone else's presence. He cranes his neck, noticing that one of the younger kids has detached from their boisterous game of tag and now attempts to climb up the bars to join him.

Kaneki narrows his eyes, recognizing him as the boy from the week before.

_It's what's-his-name. _Kaneki can't quite remember what it was, only that the boy had said it very, very loudly.

(Though, to be fair, everything about the boy had seemed overly loud to Kaneki.)

"It's you!" the boy says, hoisting himself higher up on the jungle gym. Kaneki watches his progress with mashed lips. He's about to lose his solitude.

"What do you want?" His voice sounds flat and far harsher than usual, but the boy seems not to notice. He's too busy concentrating on climbing.

"I was looking all over for you!" he exclaims again. Since Kaneki's perched on the only sizable spot at the jungle gym's summit, the boy stops his climb when he's just below eye-level with Kaneki, wobbling ever so slightly as he strikes a precarious balance between a bar and the worn-out treads of his gym shoe soles.

"Why?"

"I thought you might have been lonely," he says with a shrug. "You were up here all by yourself."

"I wasn't lonely," Kaneki counters. "I _like _being alone."

"That's not very fun."

_Is that all he cares about? Fun? How childish. _

If the ground weren't so mucky under the jungle gym, he would have jumped off and escaped, but he doesn't want to splash into a puddle and risk his aunt's fury again. Instead, Kaneki sighs, feeling trapped and a little bit irritated as the boy steadies himself. He leans in closer, close enough that Kaneki can smell chocolate on his breath and see the leftover grimy smudges on the bars when he adjusts his grip.

Kaneki wrinkles his nose. When the boy sees what's resting in Kaneki's lap, he pulls the same face.

"Oh, you brought your book up here too?" The way he says it makes Kaneki a little defensive. He braces himself for whatever devastating insult a _grade schooler_ could come up with.

"You're supposed to have _fun_ when you're on the playground. This isn't _school, _you know," he says with such a solemn severity that Kaneki can't help but laugh.

"Reading is fun for me," he says and the boy considers this, though he doesn't look altogether convinced.

"Is it the same book you were reading yesterday? The one that made you fall asleep?" The boy still seems suspicious, periodically glancing down at the book in Kaneki's lap. His lower lip juts out and the expression reminds Kaneki of a pouting toddler.

Kaneki puckers his own lips, imitating his teacher when she disciplines a troublesome classmate. "I was trying to read until I was interrupted." He makes a dramatic show of opening his book, but a gust of wind catches his bookmark and sends it skittering off the page. It flutters in the air, coyly sailing away from Kaneki's grasp when he lunges for it.

"Wait! I got it!" the boy shouts, licking his lips and leaning back as he reaches towards it.

"It's not a big dea—hey, watch your feet!" Kaneki shouts as the boy's center of gravity shifts and his shoes lose their grip on the bars. Kaneki watches it unfold like a scene in slow motion. For a second, the boy's outstretched hand is almost close enough to grab—_if only he wasn't afraid of falling himself_—before he tips backwards and out of Kaneki's reach

He tumbles off the jungle gym, landing in a crumpled heap at the base. Kaneki sucks in a sharp breath and reflexively glances around, scouring the playground for any watchful adults. However, no one comes to their aid, too preoccupied with their cooing babies and babbling toddlers.

The boy still hasn't moved and Kaneki unexpectedly finds himself buffeted by air in the split second after he leaps off the top of the jungle gym. His knees and calves jitter from the jarring impact and he's pretty sure his book splashed in a nearby puddle, but he ignores all of that and hurries to the boy's side.

He swallows and reaches for the boy's motionless shoulder, shaking it in the same gentle way he used to when his mother would pass out at the table.

_Please don't be dead… Please don't be dead…_

(If the kid is dead, he wonders if they'll send him to prison. How can he explain it was just an accide—)

Kaneki hears a weak snuffling and the boy finally sits up with a scrunched-up brow and mashed lips. His eyes are red and glassy and he rubs at the dribble of clear snot leaking from his nose, but he's alive. Kaneki exhales, scanning over him for any sign of serious injury. Blood trickles down from a split near his left eyebrow and his hair and clothes are dusted with mulch, but he seems to be in one piece.

"Are you okay, uhh…?" He's again reminded that he doesn't remember the boy's name and now seems like a poor moment to ask.

The boy sniffles again—it's a wetter sound than before—and nods. He's doing an admirable job of trying not to cry, but Kaneki can tell it's a struggle from his twitching nose.

"Sorry," he pauses before releasing a hiccup-y sob, "I couldn't get your bookmark. I think it blew away."

Kaneki blinks, momentarily stunned.

_He's worried about my bookmark? He could have been seriously hurt and that's what he's upset about?_

"It's… fine. You shouldn't worry about it."

"Hide! Hide!"

They turn to see a man hurrying towards them, another man closely behind.

_Hide! That's right—that's what he said his name was. _Kaneki makes sure to file the name away in a safer place in case Hide invades his solitude again.

(But maybe he'll be lucky. Maybe the kid will leave him alone now.)

The first man bends down to squat at eye level with Hide, smoothing away his bloodstained hair with a soft whisper.

"What happened to you?" his partner asks, glancing from the jungle gym to the dusting of mulch on his son's clothes. His eyes narrow when they land on Kaneki.

"It—it was an accident!" Kaneki blurts out. The men are fairly young—younger than his aunt by at least a decade—but there's something about them that intimidates him.

_That's what real adults look like,_ something whispers in the back of Kaneki's mind, the tone ugly and harsh. _You're just pretending. _

"Hide?"

They'd rather hear it from Hide than from Kaneki. It's only natural for them to be suspicious of any middle schooler loitering near their injured child. Kaneki glances away and tries not to fidget.

Hide nods and rubs the last of the snot away from his upper lip. "Kaneki's bookmark blew away and I tried to catch it, but I slipped."

The men exchange glances and smile. The first man shakes his head fondly. "You should be more careful, Hide."

"Come on—let's get you cleaned up." His partner relaxes and refocuses his attention back on Hide.

Kaneki watches from an awkward distance. He's too close to slip away without attracting attention, but he's also just far enough that he feels like he's lurking without actually being a part of anything.

"Alright, up we go!" The first man pulls Hide to his feet and the three of them turn to leave. Hide pauses before twisting his upper body, waving at Kaneki.

"See you later, Kaneki!"

Kaneki reflexively raises his hand to wave, his fingers curling in on themselves when Hide turns back around. He picks his book out of the mud, but he doesn't feel like reading anymore.

* * *

Hide returns to the park two days later, but this time Kaneki's ready for him.

"Hide," Kaneki says with a dip of his head. Hide is as loud and excitable as always, but Kaneki finds he's more relieved than irritated to see him. Now that he knows what to expect, it's less jarring each time Hide opens his mouth. It's sort of like waking up to the sunlight streaming through his window before his alarm goes off.

Hide brightens, his grin widening. "You know my name!"

Kaneki blinks, momentarily taken back by Hide's enthusiasm. He's also a bit embarrassed to admit he didn't remember it until he overheard one of Hide's dads calling for him. So, instead Kaneki regains his composure and shrugs.

"It's only fair, since you remembered _my_ name," he counters and he realizes it's true. Hide _had_ said his name when they parted earlier that week. _He actually remembered my name from the first time we met. _

"Well, of course I would! You're my friend!"

Kaneki mashes his lips together and gives Hide a weak nod. They've only interacted twice and Kaneki wouldn't consider either moment particularly friendly. First, he tried to ditch Hide and then he did nothing as Hide tumbled off the side of a jungle gym.

Honestly, Kaneki's amazed that Hide's still eager to talk to him, much less be friends.

He glances at the butterfly bandage at the edge of Hide's temple. "How's your head?"

Hide prods at the bandage with a grin. "It's okay. The doctors did all these fancy tests to make sure I didn't have a, uh, a confession—"

"Concussion?"

"Oh, right—a concussion," Hide amends with a nod. "Anyway, they said I was fine, but I still had to get stitches. _Four_ of them," Hide adds, his blond eyebrows darting upwards. "And do you know the best part?"

"The best part?" Kaneki doesn't quite share Hide's enthusiasm about the stitches, but he's glad to see the accident has had little effect on his personality.

_Hide probably doesn't even care that he got hurt. He seems like the kind of person to take it all in stride._

"Yeah, they told me it'll probably leave a scar. Not a big one or anything—which I guess is alright even though I bet it would have been really cool looking."

"I'm glad that you're all right." Kaneki glances back at Hide's forehead. With his floppy bangs concealing most of the bandage, he doubts any scar would be that visible anyway.

"The worst part was when my dads made me stay home from school that next day, so I didn't get to tell you all of this."

Kaneki stays silent. He had come to the park to look for Hide the day after the accident and had left feeling disappointed when he couldn't find him. He isn't sure why he's relieved to hear that Hide hadn't ditched him on purpose.

(He should have been grateful for the brief respite—not _eager_ for this overly excitable kid to return.)

Hide perks up and digs through his bag. "But it wasn't all bad, because I did get the chance to make this!" He hands Kaneki a brightly colored strip of paper. Kaneki squints at it and realizes the colorful scribbles are tiny drawings of sunflowers and stick figures with triangular capes.

"It's a bookmark," Hide explains. "I felt bad that yours got blown away earlier."

_My bookmark? Oh, right. That's the reason he fell. _His eyes dart back to Hide's forehead. _He mentioned it earlier too, that he was upset it got lost. _

Kaneki doesn't quite understand why some bookmark is so important to Hide, so he goes back to looking at the drawings and focuses on that instead.

"I put a lot of pictures on it," Hide continues, gesturing towards a deformed lizard creature spitting fire. Kaneki recognizes it as a dragon after noticing the wings rising from its lumpy back.

_Dragons and witches? It's like a story in and of itself._

"That's so whenever you get bored because your book doesn't have pictures, you can look at this instead."

Kaneki's stomach flutters and another moment passes before he realizes it isn't quite the same sensation whenever his aunt narrows her eyes at him. He feels like smiling instead of cringing.

It's just a scrap of paper and the tiny pictures are horrendously crude, but he can't remember the last time he's received such a thoughtful gift.

"Thank you, Hide," he says when he finds his voice again.

"It's no problem! That's what friends do, you know."

_Friends, huh?_

It seems like Hide won't rest until they've become friends. Maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing. Kaneki wouldn't mind some extra brightness in his life.

* * *

"Yo, Kaneki! I have something—what's going on?" Hide's smile freezes and his golden brows droop dangerously.

Kaneki rubs the mulch from his eyes and wonders if he could come up with a plausible story about how he _asked_ for his notebooks to be torn and scattered about like a kicked over leaf pile. Finding nothing, he remains silent and lowers his eyes. It's what he's best at, after all.

"What's going on?" Hide repeats, his voice growing louder. Kaneki's cousin breaks off mid-laugh and notices Hide's presence.

(_How pathetic. You can't even stand up for yourself? Some grade schooler has to stick up for you?)_

"Who the hell is this punk?" He turns and tilts his head, running his gaze up and down Hide's clothes. When Kaneki glances up, maybe to jumble out an excuse so Hide doesn't also have to get hurt, he realizes that Hide's nearly at eyelevel with his cousin.

_He's gotten taller? He's taller than me?_ Kaneki blinks, momentarily stunned. It's an embarrassing observation, but even after spending several months with Hide, he doesn't realize until now how much his friend has grown. It may also be because he's never seen Hide so stiff, so tense.

"Hey, uh, Yuuichi?" One of his cousin's friends also notices the height. He squints at Hide's clothes with mashed lips. "I, uh, don't recognize this guy's uniform. Maybe we should go…"

Yuuichi puffs out his chest and Hide narrows his eyes. It's the darkest expression Kaneki remembers seeing on his usually easy-going features and he feels his gut twist nervously for what might happen next.

_Hide shouldn't get hurt because of something my cousin did. I should say something—tell him to forget about it._

"Come on, man. Let's get out of here," another friend says, scratching the back of his neck. Yuuichi caves first and scowls at Kaneki before slinking away. When they round the corner, Hide slowly deflates like a balloon, his shoulders slacking and his knees untensing.

"Are you okay?" he turns to Kaneki, head tilted at a familiar, jaunty angle. He's smiling again and despite the backlash he'll face at his aunt's apartment later that evening, Kaneki feels like he's safe now.

"That was my…cousin." Kaneki's gaze slips to the side. "He spends most of his time playing video games, so I don't think he'll be back here soon." Kaneki doesn't mention that this park was first a refuge from his cousin before it became so much more upon meeting Hide.

"I don't like him," Hide says, wrinkling his nose so tightly that the corners of his eyes scrunch up as well. It's a silly expression and Kaneki's grateful for it.

"Me either," Kaneki agrees and then laughs. Boiling down their tumultuous relationship to two words seems too simple, but he doesn't want to burden Hide with his tragic backstory.

A gentle breeze ripples through the playground, causing one of the few attached pages in his dirty notebook to flutter. Hide immediately springs into action, hurrying to collect the torn pages before they blow into the nearby street.

Hide trots back and passes Kaneki the pages. His smile returns as he recalls something from the encounter.

"Hey, did you hear what that one guy said though? He didn't recognize my uniform! I bet he thought I was a high schooler or something!"

Hide tries to puff out his chest again, which only looks more comical than threatening. Still, now that they're both standing, Kaneki can clearly see how Hide's gained several centimeters on him throughout the past few months. He can't believe he never realized it sooner.

_And he's what—eleven now? _

(Kaneki doesn't actually know Hide's birthday—just that it happened recently and he felt guilty when Hide mentioned it offhandedly.)

Kaneki lifts an eyebrow and tries not to laugh, feeling the tightness in his chest melt away. He's grateful his cousin never saw this side of Hide, otherwise he has a feeling they wouldn't have gotten off as cleanly.

"They might have thought you were another middle schooler… at the oldest." Kaneki's gaze drops to Hide's outfit. He isn't even wearing a traditional uniform, just a simple button-up shirt with the top buttons misaligned.

_Yuuichi's friends are as stupid as him. Elementary schoolers around here don't even wear uniforms. _

He doesn't say anything to burst Hide's preening. He's still basking in his latest victory.

"Maybe if I come over to your house one day, I can _really _scare him and then he won't bother you anymore!"

Kaneki inhales, the echoes of his aunt's scathing remarks and his cousin's sneers rising in the back of his throat like bile. He doesn't want Hide to see that, to see what Kaneki yearns to escape from.

_"No!" _he says in a much sharper tone than anticipated. Hide blinks and his brow furrows in hurt confusion. "Not right away," he hastily explains, holding up a splayed palm in a defensive gesture. "We'll have to make sure you look really scary the next time you meet him."

Hide's bemused frown quirks back up into a smile and he nods. "That makes sense. Maybe later then."

Kaneki smiles back, even though he knows he'll never invite Hide to see the chaos.

"But, uh… Thank you," he says, deciding to shift the subject. "You didn't have to stand up to Yuuichi like that. I… I really appreciate it."

Hide's smile broadens into a grin and he plants a hand on his hip. "Of course! I have to look out for shorties like you!"

Kaneki tries to look offended, but they both end up collapsing into a fit of laughter. Kaneki accidentally drops his armful of collected pages and they have to run around the playground to pick them back up again. They're still giggling when they rendezvous at the swing set.

(When he's smoothing out the crumpled pages at his desk later that day and trying to ignore his cousin's angry pounding at his door, Kaneki smiles because he knows he'll never let his family corrode his friendship with Hide.)

(His best friend, Hide, who'll always be safe at the park.)

* * *

The realization that Hide might actually be his best friend doesn't set in until several weeks later. Kaneki doesn't have many friends to begin with—and he's never had a_ best _friend before—so he isn't sure how it all works.

(Do they have to sign a contract? Shake hands? Kaneki honestly has no idea.)

They're sitting behind the bench when Kaneki summons up the courage to ask Hide about it. After all, surely someone like Hide must have a best friend.

"Hide, do you have a best friend?"

(Kaneki reminds himself before asking that he can't be jealous with whatever answer Hide gives him.)

Hide considers the question. "A best friend?" he echoes and Kaneki nods.

"Hmmm…" Hide draws out his breath into a long-winded sigh. "Let me think… I really like Koneko. He's in my class and he can be funny sometimes."

"Ah," Kaneki says and looks down at his lap, wrapping a blade of grass tight enough around his finger that when he lets it fall away, it leaves a green stain on his skin.

"But I also like Shii-chan because she always gives me chocolate…"

Kaneki tries to knot another piece of grass, but he accidentally pulls too tight and the blade snaps in his hands. He's not funny like this Koneko person and he's never given Hide a present like Shii-chan has. Hide's always the one telling the jokes and giving Kaneki little gifts like bookmarks and chocolates.

"And then there's Kaneki. He's really smart and nice and he's patient when he teaches me how to do things. He's probably my best friend."

Kaneki's gaze snaps back up to Hide, who laughs at his wide-eye expression.

"Were you worried that I wouldn't say you?" he asks, his sly smile breaking into a wider grin.

Kaneki clamps his gaping lips closed. He can feel his ears prickle with heat. Was Hide able to read him that easily?

"No..."

"You looked pretty nervous when I mentioned _Shiiiii_-chan," Hide needles, his voice lilting upwards in a teasing tone.

"I wasn't nervous," he insists, but his stern scowl quickly falls apart. "It wouldn't be weird to have other best friends."

He wonders which is more embarrassing: being the best friend of a grade schooler or having a best friend who's several years younger than himself.

(He thinks about it later that night, safely tucked under his blankets, and decides that it's not really that big of a deal either way. Having a best friend is nice enough.)

* * *

"I'll be starting junior high next _year_," Hide says, emphasizing his final word with a grunt and a sporadic pump of the legs. His swing carries him a few meters, but he's still far lower than Kaneki. "Three months. Can you believe it?"

Kaneki side eyes him but keeps up his own momentum, feeling the air rush by and steal his breath so he doesn't have to come up with a response just yet.

_A rising seventh grader should know how to pump his legs properly. _

He's tried to teach Hide how to swing for over a year now and none of the lessons seem to stick. He's given up at this point.

Hide maintains the conversation with his easygoing chattering. "I'm a little nervous, because that means I'll be in seventh grade—and then everyone will be older than me again. It also means going to a new school, but I think several of my classmates are moving too."

"But I'm also really excited for it! I'll finally get to know what it's like to be grown up!" Hide continues, oblivious to—or perhaps enjoying—how his excited kicks make his swing wobble and veer dangerously into Kaneki's path.

"Grown up?" Kaneki asks. His legs slacken as he stops swinging.

"Well, sorta grown up," Hide amends. "Y'know, kinda like you."

Kaneki's swing slows to a stop, the tips of his toes dragging in the mulch.

"Like me?"

_Sorta grown up? What does that mean?_ _Is he saying that I'm not grown up enough? That I'm still a child?_

Hide doesn't seem to hear Kaneki's question. He keeps rattling off aspects of junior high school like he's competing for a prize. "And I'll get a _uniform_ and I'll be able to join an afterschool club and I can—"

"What do you mean by 'sorta' grown up?" Kaneki interrupts.

He thinks about the plan he wrote down when his mother died, how to be self-sufficient and free from his extended family's pressure. He can't remember the last time he pulled the notebook out or when he reviewed the strict steps scrawled inside. The urgency of the words and the threat of never escaping used to haunt him at night, but since meeting Hide his dreams have been warmer, gentler.

A different panic strikes him. Has it all been a mistake, spending all his time on swing sets instead of studying for high school? Entrance exams are coming soon and he knows if he doesn't get good marks—

_(Adults don't have time for friends. Don't have time to waste.)_

Kaneki cuts himself off mid-thought and refocuses on Hide. He waits for an answer, grip tightening around the swing chains until he feels the metal links bite into his palm.

Hide looks a little rattled by Kaneki's intensity and he stops kicking his legs. He loses height as his swing slows, enabling him to look Kaneki in the eyes.

"Uh, I guess I just mean that you know a lot of things?" Hide starts, scratching the side of his cheek. "Like you're… you're… smart?" He pauses, reconsidering. "Well, probably the _smart_ word to use would be mature," Hide corrects with a scrunched nose and upwards role of the eyes.

_Mature, huh? _

Kaneki mulls this over with a thoughtful nod. He supposes he would seem rather mature to someone about to enter junior high.

"But—uh—listen, I'm not saying you're boring or anything," Hide adds quickly, fanning his hands out in a defensive gesture. "Well, I mean, sometimes the books you read are kinda boring. Especially the depressing ones. But _you're_ still an exciting person."

"Thanks?" Kaneki keeps his tone dry, but his eyebrow quirks upwards without his consent. He feels the brief panic from Hide's earlier words drain out of his tense muscles.

"You're not all stuck up like the boy who lives across from me," Hide continues, making another face. "He's in junior high too, but now he and all his friends pretend like they don't know me. I'm just saying… you're really smart and mature, but you're also nice to me? And you're not pretending to be some boring adult or something? That's what I mean by sorta grown up."

Now it's Kaneki's turn to make a face, because he knows he could have easily have been like Hide's neighbor if their paths had crossed a different way, if Hide hadn't been so determined to be Kaneki's friend and if Kaneki hadn't been so starved for companionship.

"I used to be like that," Kaneki admits and he's surprised that he can speak in the past tense without hesitation. He hasn't given thought to his future for months now; he's been too busy living in the present with Hide.

"I was so eager to—" he pauses and considers the best way to phrase his situation "—to grow up and be on my own that I never wanted to waste my time with making friends."

_I didn't want to be friends with anyone younger than me. _

_(I didn't want to be friends with anyone.)_

Hide reflects on Kaneki's words for a moment, his brow twitching downwards. "That sounds like it would have been pretty lonely."

"It was," Kaneki says with a swallow and a glance to the side. He can feel Hide's gaze on him, but he doesn't want to meet it.

"Well, it's a good thing you grew out of that," Hide says after another pause, hopping off the swing and planting a hand on his hip. He extends his other hand towards Kaneki.

"Why's that?" Kaneki asks, taking Hide's hand and using it to pull himself into a standing position.

"Because I definitely wouldn't have wanted to be friends with some boring mope like the old you. I like who you are now much better."

Kaneki laughs. Maybe someday he'll tell Hide who's responsible for the transformation.

* * *

He hears the sirens first, but it's the ambulance lights that make him pause. Kaneki stops short of the park's entrance, transfixed by the lights that cast pulsing, ruby flares on the metal slide and the nearby storefront windows.

_I wonder what happened. That's near the fancy restaurant. I wonder if someone got hurt or if there was an accident inside. _

He shifts from foot to foot, eyeing the huddled crowd several meters away. He can hear their hushed whispering in the few beats of silence between each siren whirl.

_"Did you see what happened?"_

_"It was all so fast. Damn driver drove off—"_

_"I told my husband that crosswalk was hard to see."_

He wishes he were taller. Even straining on his toes, he can only catch a glimpse of a kneeling paramedic and a discarded jacket. His aching calves soon force his heels back to the pavement and he considers what to do next. He isn't curious or morbid enough to fight through the crowd for a glimpse of the scene. He recognizes several of the nearest onlookers as frequent parkgoers—pale faced mothers griping tightly onto their squirming children. In fact, when he glances towards the park, it's eerily empty. Like some sort of ghost town.

_Everyone's over here trying to see what happened. It's too loud and crowded here. _Kaneki makes his decision when several more people gravitate to the throng of onlookers.

He rakes his gaze over the crowd one last time, but he doesn't see a blond head bobbing around.

_It looks like Hide isn't here either. _He had several things he wanted to tell Hide, but at least now he doesn't feel guilty about leaving the park early.

_He probably went home for the day. Or he might have wanted to explore the afternoon clubs._

Kaneki mashes his lips before turning and walking away from the park. He'll see Hide tomorrow, when the sirens aren't so loud and the crowds aren't too suffocating.

* * *

Kaneki decides to wait by the whale sculpture for Hide. It's one of their favorite rendezvous points and he knows that it'll be the first place Hide will check. He pulls out his book—it's almost like a summoning rod; the moment he cracks the spine, Hide _always _appears—and even skims over the first page without being disturbed.

An hour passes and Kaneki finds himself two chapters into the book with no idea what it's about. He chews on his bottom lip before setting the book aside.

_I wonder where he is. _

They operate under an unspoken code: if one of them doesn't show up in fifteen minutes, then the other will usually go home. However, it's been a day since they've seen each other and Kaneki was sure Hide would be just as enthusiastic to talk about his first day as a junior high schooler.

_Maybe he got caught up in an afternoon club? He did say he was excited to join one. _

Kaneki's frown deepens.

_How long do clubs take? Wouldn't he have been done by now?_

He realizes he doesn't actually remember the name of Hide's new school, only that it was a little further than his elementary school. Still, he doubts the distance would be great enough to keep them apart.

Kaneki waits another fifteen minutes before deciding he might as well head back to his aunt's apartment. A guest speaker from a nearby high school had given a presentation in his class that morning, reminding him that entrance exams for high school were looming ever closer.

_That's right. I should start studying more. _

He scratches the back of his head as his gaze strays towards where the crowd had gathered the day before. Apart from a dented trash can and a torn-up flowerbed, there's no sign that anything had happened.

_Maybe Hide and I can agree to meet once or twice a week instead of every day. That way he can do club stuff and I can study more for exams. _

Kaneki knows he'll miss their daily interactions, but now that they're aging, he needs to consider the future. He climbs to his feet, shakes the jitters out of his toes, and packs up his things.

_Maybe I'll see him tomorrow and we can talk about it then._

* * *

Hide doesn't come to the park the next day. He doesn't come to the park the next week either.

Kaneki waits on the bench every day for him, growing ever more disappointed each time the sun sets and the streetlamps flicker to life.

_There must be a reason. Maybe he's sick and he can't leave the house._

(When Hide contracted a nasty case of the flu several months ago, he had been placed under a quarantined house arrest by his dads. He had sneaked out to tell Kaneki—and inadvertently spread all his germs to Kaneki with an impressive display of sniffling and hacking. Still, he refused to let such a debilitating "nuisance" keep him from the park.)

He can't even visit him to check.

He had been so hesitant to volunteer personal information out of fear that Hide would find out about his dysfunctional family that he never thought to ask Hide where he lived. And he doesn't remember the names of his adopted dads, so he can't look up Hide's address that way either.

Another week passes and doubt bleeds into Kaneki's worry. Then the doubt shifts to suspicion and painful thoughts wriggle into Kaneki's brain. He begins to wonder if Hide is intentionally avoiding the park. Avoiding _him._

_What if he found new friends at his new school? What if he likes them more than me?_

Kaneki's gaze wanders to the top of the jungle gym and then to the base of the whale tail.

_Maybe he thinks that making friends at the park is too childish now that he's in junior high. _

The thought stings. After all, Kaneki had never considered their friendship to be so fragile, so disposable.

He had thought that Hide was the exception to his plan to adulthood, the reason that being "sorta" grown up was okay for a little bit longer. Now he isn't so sure anymore.

Kaneki packs up his book and rises stiffly from the bench. He spares a parting glance at the swing set before turning his back on the park.

* * *

Three months later when he walks past the park, he thinks he hears Hide's loud laugh rise above the milling crowds. He chases after the sound, feeling his heart pound as erratically as his feet against the pavement. He even catches a glimpse of blond hair disappearing around a corner, but when he races to catch up, he nearly collides with a street side sign advertising a fancy coffee shop.

It's a dead end. Kaneki frowns and shakes his head.

_Stupid... What were you thinking, running around like some kind of grade schooler?_

He's frustrated for allowing himself to get so worked up over chasing ghosts. He's momentarily distracted by the twinkling of a bell, but the sound comes from the flower shop across the street instead of the coffee shop. A laughing customer waves goodbye around a large bouquet before setting off on the rest of her errands. As she passes him, Kaneki recognizes one of the flowers in the arrangement with a mash of his lips. He turns his back on the coffee shop and refocuses on the street and the safety of its strangers.

The earthy stench of chrysanthemums lingers in his throat long after he keys into his aunt's apartment.

_So much for promises._

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Part II will be up on Saturday. There'll be two more chapters :)**


	2. Late Night Nostalgia

**Author's Note:** Here's part two! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

He's so absorbed in his thoughts on the way home from school that he doesn't realize he's taken a wrong turn and wandered to the edge of his favorite childhood park. His shoes sink into the mulch and he staggers to a stop, momentarily disoriented.

_What? Where am I?_

_Oh, it's the park. _

He smiles faintly at the thick, musky smell and the sound of children laughing. He hasn't been here for years. Not since Hi—

"Mister! Mister!"

Kaneki looks up and blinks, glancing around for the source of the shouting. He catches a flash of yellow and for a moment his breath hitches before he realizes it comes from a pair of tights rather than a shock of blond hair.

"Can you help me?"

A girl sits on the nearby swing, swinging her legs with a frustrated grunt and scowling in his direction. He glances around, wondering if she's talking to someone else, but the nearest person scrolls on their phone, unconcerned.

"Me?"

She nods. "Onee-chan was going to come to the park with me and teach me how to swing, but then she had to do homework and I can't ask Hi-chan, because he's really bad at it. So, will you teach me how to swing?"

Kaneki hesitates and takes another quick glance around the park.

_I shouldn't even be here. I'm too old for this._

Young children scamper about while parents and grandparents chat by the benches. There's no one near his age in sight.

"Sorry, but it's probably best if you wait for your sister to help you. I, uh, I have to—" Kaneki tries to muster up a plausible excuse, but none come to mind. He doesn't want to lie to a little girl either.

"Oh…" The girl's shoulders slump and her feet drag over the mulch as she slows to a stop. "Sorry for bothering you," she says in such a low voice that Kaneki feels his chest contract. "I just wanted to surprise onee-chan."

_This is no place for someone in their last year of high school, _he tries to remind himself. _You have other things you need to be doing. Important things. _

Still, he relents with a sigh and walks towards the girl. "Maybe I have enough time to offer a few suggestions though."

She brightens immediately. "Yes, please!"

Kaneki takes the swing next to her and the edges of the seat dig into his thighs. When was the last time he sat in a swing? He doesn't remember feeling this cramped.

"Okay! What do I do first?"

"First, make sure you have a tight grip on the chain." He grabs the chain, his thumbs brushing against the cool links. The chains feel so small and his fingers easily overlap the meat of his palm.

The girl watches him before grabbing the chains at a comically high spot, her elbows nearly extended.

"You don't have to reach so high."

"I'm copying you though?"

Kaneki laughs and shakes his head, gesturing towards a more manageable spot several centimeters lower. "Here should be good for you. When you, ah, when you get older, then you can reach farther."

The girl nods and Kaneki continues his lesson.

"Next you'll want to lean back. Not too much," he hastily adds, watching the girl tip dangerously backwards. "Just enough to move the swing."

"Like this?"

"Yeah, like that. Now stick your legs out."

She's a quick learner and within fifteen minutes, she can outswing Kaneki. When the sun dips below the apartment buildings, Kaneki realizes he's been at the park for far longer than he anticipated.

_I wanted to work on applications before _they_ came home. I may not have time now. _

He thanks the girl—for what? he isn't sure, since she's the one who got a free swinging lesson—and slides off the swing, feeling far stiffer than he knows he should. He apologizes for a hasty retreat before grabbing his discarded bag. He waves over his shoulder as he hurries away.

She shouts something after him, but it's lost in the evening traffic and childish shrieking of the other park goers.

Several hours later, when he sets aside a completed application with a content sigh, Kaneki realizes he never asked for the girl's name. He shrugs and yanks the lamp cord, his worries melting away in the darkness.

Friendships at parks are fleeting. It's something only a child would care about and he's outgrown all that.

* * *

A shadow falls across his face, blocking out the warmth of the sunlight. He startles awake, blinking rapidly to clear the dark spots from his eyes.

"Is it really that boring?" a light, female voice teases.

Kaneki squints at the woman standing in front of him. She's slightly older with a soft face, a vision of purple and white and red.

"Huh?" he manages to sputter after another stunned blink. It takes him a second to realize where he's at.

_Oh. I must have fallen asleep on the bench. _The sun had been so inviting, his eyelids so heavy.

"Your book. It must not be an entertaining read."

He blushes and shakes his head. It had been fascinating—at least, what little he remembered of it before drifting off. He glances at her neatly folded hands and her slender fingers, noting how she's holding the same book to her abdomen. The copies could be nearly identical, if not for the frayed edges of Hide's bookmark poking through the top of his book.

She notices it immediately when Kaneki adjusts its position in his book. "How cute! Is that your bookmark?" she laughs. "Don't you think it looks a bit out of place against Takatsuki Sen-san's story?"

"Maybe," Kaneki says, looking down at the scribbled tip of a dragon's tail. It's the only splash of color against the cream pages and dark cover. He hasn't thought to be embarrassed of Hide's bookmark until she mentions it. "Though, this story isn't as dark as her release last year."

"Ahh, another fan? I'd be curious to know what you think of her other works. Perhaps we could grab something to drink and talk about them."

"That would be nice," he says, his embarrassment from his bookmark melting away.

"My name is Rize, by the way."

"I'm Kaneki," he responds with a faint smile.

Her red, red lips curve into a smile, but her eyes don't crinkle behind her red, red glasses.

"It's nice to meet you, Kaneki-kun," she says.

* * *

He returns to the park the day before he graduates high school. It's dusk and most of the kids have left for the day. A few stragglers remain, gawking and pointing at the oversized "kid" monopolizing their jungle gym.

(_"Mommy, what's that big kid doing there? Isn't he too old to be at a park?"_)

Parents eye him suspiciously and shuffle their children away. A few bolder kids stray towards him, but scamper away with giggles when Kaneki doesn't react. He remains undisturbed as the hours pass, even when the streetlamps flick on and buzz in the crisp night air.

Kaneki shivers and wraps his arms around his folded knees, feeling the cold metal of the jungle gym bite into his thighs and backside. All his classmates are out celebrating, enjoying their last few moments of freedom before adulthood begins.

(He hadn't received an invitation. Not out of spite, but more so from being overlooked. He hadn't really been waiting for one either, though.)

He isn't sure how to feel. He's about to be on his own and isn't that what he's always wanted? He'll soon be fully grown, no longer dependent on his teachers or his aunt and uncle.

Instead, he's tired and alone and he has no idea what will happen after he walks through his high school's front gate for the last time tomorrow. He wonders if this uncertainty is what adulthood is really like, if this is the dark secret his mother tried to hide from him.

"It's you!"

Kaneki startles at the enthusiastic shout below him. He squints before realizing the dark shadow approaching him belongs to the girl from several weeks ago.

Kaneki carefully detangles his legs from the top of the jungle gym and slides back to the ground.

"Are you hurt? Or lost?" He squints, trying to see her expression in the evening dusk. "What are you doing here?"

He expects to see her smiling, but now that he's closer he notices how neutral her expression looks in the dull street lamp glow.

"I'm not lost," she says in a low voice. "I just felt like I was in the way, so I decided to leave."

"You ran away?" Kaneki's voice jumps an octave and he can already hear the sirens closing in around him.

(_"Yes, this is him, officer. The high school weirdo who lurks at the park at night and talks to children half his age.")_

The girl blinks before shaking her head with a light giggle. "Of course not! I'm _nine_, silly!" Kaneki blinks. "I only left until the shop closed, so I wouldn't be in everyone's way."

"The shop?"

"Mmmhmm. It's a café called Anteiku. Have you ever been?"

He shakes his head. The name sounds familiar. Perhaps Rize had mentioned it once upon a forever ago.

"I work there!"

"You… _work_ there?" Kaneki echoes, eyebrow lifting. Nine seems like an awfully young age for part-time employment.

"Well, sort of. I sometimes help onee-chan and the others with clearing dishes," she amends with an abashed smile. Kaneki smiles back. That sounds more likely.

"They must appreciate your help, but I'm sure they're wondering where you are. You should probably head back before it gets too late."

_Please. I don't want to go to prison. _

"What's your name?"

"Uh, Kaneki."

"My name is Hinami."

"It's nice to meet you, Hinami," Kaneki says, shifting awkwardly. He wonders if she would follow him if he retreated to the top of his jungle gym perch.

_Running away… How childish._

She stares at him for a moment longer, eyes narrowing ever so slightly as if she were considering something.

"You're nice. You should come work at Anteiku."

"Huh?" Kaneki frowns. At first he thinks he's misheard her.

Hinami nods, this time looking more excited than pensive. "You should come work at Anteiku," she repeats. "You'll like onee-chan and the others! It'll be fun!"

Kaneki shakes his head with a weak smile. He isn't sure how to explain life doesn't work that cleanly, so he settles for a rational rejection.

"It might be fun to work with everyone, but I'm afraid that isn't how thi—"

"Come on Saturday before the shop opens. I'll make sure the manager hires you!"

"Hinami-chan!" a male voice calls from several meters away. "Are you over here?"

There's a moment of muttering; Kaneki guesses there's another person with him.

"Jeez—Touka-chan, it's a _park, _not an abandoned construction site. How dangerous could it be?" The first speaker is far louder and cheerier than his companion. Something stirs in the back of Kaneki's mind like a long-forgotten memory, but he shakes it off.

(He's just glad it's not police sirens or screaming parents.)

"That's onee-chan and Hi-chan!" Hinami perks up with a smile. "I'm over here!" She turns back to Kaneki. "You should meet them."

"Uhmm… I really should be going. Maybe another time?"

"So does that mean you'll come on Saturday?"

"It's—"

"Hiiii-nami-chan!"

"Coming!"

Before Kaneki can stumble out another excuse, Hinami waves and hurries towards her friends. She pauses for a brief second to glance back in Kaneki's direction. He can't quite see her expression, but he can see the bright glint of her eyes, illuminated by a nearby streetlamp. She disappears around the corner and Kaneki lets out a deep sigh.

_A job interview on Saturday, huh?_

If only it were that easy.

* * *

The name is posted on the door in neat, delicate cursive letters, but Kaneki still pauses to check the address against the creased paper clenched in his sweaty palms. He scans over the posted hours, glances quickly at his watch, and shifts from foot to foot, wondering if maybe he should come back another day.

_They aren't even open yet. The door's probably locked. I'm betting no one's inside._

(That last one's a lie. He had heard laughter from somewhere within when he first approached the door.)

He had been skeptical when Hinami first promised him a job at the coffee shop. After all, jungle gyms are hardly the place to extend employment offers and how many grade schoolers would even have that power? However, it still doesn't stop him from growing more nervous with each tick of the second hand.

_It's just a job interview, _he tries to rationalize. But he knows it's more than that—it's his first step towards being self-sufficient, being free from his aunt. If he can't secure a job at a simple coffee shop, well, then how could he expect to survive at the university?

Kaneki steels his nerves before grabbing the door handle and letting himself inside. The interior is warm and inviting and he feels his anxiety dissipate.

Hinami sees him first and she immediately perks up, jumping up from her seat at the bar to rush towards him. "You came! I told them you would!"

He smiles down at her and nods. "I think I'm too early though. The sign outside says you don't open for another thir—"

"Yeah, we wanted you to come early so we could talk before the customers arrived."

"We?"

_It won't just be the manager?_

A staff door swings open, revealing two teenagers. A dark-haired female spares him a glance before veering towards the front counter, washrag draped over her forearm. The second teenager, a blond male with a wide smile, makes a beeline for them.

Kaneki blinks, struck by a strange sense of déjà vu. He casts a quick glance around him, wondering if this coffee shop had been among the memories of Rize he tried to repress, but nothing else seems familiar.

"Ah, so you must be the new guy Hinami-chan kept going on about," the blond says, the corners of his lips rising in an easy smile. "The swing set extraordinaire."

"I'm—" Kaneki hesitates, unsure why his tongue feels so heavy or why he can't quite shake the looming sense that he _knows_ this guy from somewhere.

_It must be his voice. He's probably the one who called for Hinami at the park._

"He's not hired yet," the other girl says, crossing her arms and eyeing Kaneki from across the mahogany bar. "The manager hasn't even met him yet."

_But I don't think that's it. There's something else…_

"Oh hush, Touka-chan! You know Hinami-chan's word is as good as gold." He rolls his eyes fondly with a bob of the head. Kaneki inhales sharply at the familiar gesture.

_Wait… can it be? After all these years—_

"Since we're bound to be coworkers, I might as well introduce myself. My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika, but you can call me—"

"Hide!" he blurts out before he can stop himself.

_Is it him? Is it really him?_

Hide's brow furrows and his smile slips a notch.

"Uh, yeah, that's right…" He pauses. "Do we… do we know each other?" Hide asks, tilting his head.

_Wait—he doesn't remember? _Kaneki swallows. _Does he really not remember? Maybe I'm mistaken._

Kaneki struggles to backpedal. "I thought you looked like someone I knew a few years ago."

"Really? And to think I always thought of myself as a pretty unique looking guy." Hide laughs, all traces of bewilderment from their previous exchange vanishing. The lighthearted sound is so familiar—like a distant memory—that it makes Kaneki's tangled insides knot even tighter. He isn't sure what's going on, if this is some cruel trick or if he's imagining things.

"What did you say your name was again?"

"Kaneki," he says. Quickly. Quietly.

Hide nods as he repeats the name. Kaneki watches his face closely, waiting to see a startled recognition, but his expression doesn't change.

Polite and unreactive. It's a stranger's expression.

(It reminds him of the look Rize gave him when she decided that maybe they were too different after all. The kind where she looked right through him instead of at him.)

(Unlike Rize, Hide's still looking at him, but the unfamiliarity feels just as painful as a punch to the gut.)

"Sorry. The name doesn't ring a bell. I must not be the guy you used to know," he says with an apologetic smile and a scratch to the cheek. Kaneki's momentarily thrown by Hide's wording.

_He's not the guy I used to know? What's that supposed to mean?_

It feels like his memories are on the fritz, but the others are looking at him strangely now, so he pushes all of it down and tries to focus on the real reason he's at the coffee shop.

"You mentioned a manager? Is that who I should talk to about the job opening here?"

Hide straightens up and glances towards Touka. "Right, the job opening. He's actually not here right now, but, uhh…"

_This is it. He's going to say there's not an opening after all. _

Hide runs his fingers through his hair, pushing back the blond bangs in an agitated gesture. Kaneki's eyes dart to Hide's exposed forehead, checking for the pale, hairline scar from when _his_ Hide tumbled off the jungle gym. If he can gather enough proof that the person in front of him is not the best friend he used to have, maybe his jumbled thoughts can sort themselves out and he'll be able to act like a normal human being again.

Instead, he notices a raised, jagged zigzag that spans from Hide's left eyebrow to the peak of his crown.

_What—what is that from?_

(_His _Hide never had that nasty of a scar.)

Hide catches him staring and automatically drops his hand. His bangs flop back into place, concealing most of the scar again.

"We're down a worker and honestly you came at the perfect time, because we're about to open, so if you want to learn on the job, we can consider this first shift your interview?" Hide offers with a weak smile.

Hinami nods ferociously in the background, urging Kaneki to take on the challenge. The other girl, the one Hide called Touka-chan, still hasn't dropped her crossed arms or her guarded expression.

"We wouldn't be able to pay you until the manager arrives, but what do you say? Think of this like a test run?"

Hide lifts an eyebrow expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Weirdness aside, Kaneki knows this is a valuable opportunity that he can't afford to waste. He knows the sooner he gets a job, the sooner he can break free from his aunt's clutches and finally be on his own. He glances around the empty coffeeshop. It's peaceful, with the residual scent of grounded coffee beans and the warm, early morning glow pouring through the windows.

He could do a lot worse when it comes to finding a suitable job.

"It sounds like a good idea," Kaneki says with a tentative smile. Hide returns the expression with a bright grin of his own.

"Great! Lemme go grab you an apron from the back then. I'll be right—" he disappears through a staff entrance with the wave of a hand, his final words cutting off from the slam of the door.

He blinks before turning back towards the other two. Hinami reacts first, leaping towards him and grabbing his hand.

"I'm glad you'll be working here!" she says, her eyes crinkling with delight. "The park is nearby so maybe we can go there during your breaks!"

Kaneki's smile stretches. _She didn't care about finding a new employee. She just wants a playmate. _

"That would be, uh, nice."

"We can make sure onee-chan and Hi-chan come with us too! Maybe you can teach Hi-chan how to swing like you taught me!"

"And who's going to be running the shop then?" Touka interrupts with an upward quirk of her brow. Kaneki thinks she's teasing them, but when she redirects her attention to Kaneki, her expression is stern again.

"You acted like you knew him from somewhere. Do you?"

Kaneki swallows before shaking his head. "He looked familiar at first, but I must have made a mistake. He doesn't know me."

_He didn't even recognize my name. It must not be the same Hide. _The afterthought is harsher. _Or if it is him, he must not have cared that much to remember me._

Still, Kaneki can't get the image of Hide's jarring scar out of his mind. He wonders what happened.

"If that's the case, then there's no point to bring it up again." Touka says and Kaneki senses there's more to her words than a casual dismissal, but he isn't bold enough to ask what she means.

"All right!" The staff door swings open and Hide reappears, cradling a large pile of clothes and aprons in his arms. "Let's see if any of these will work. We better hurry so I can show you how to work the register afterwards."

"Uh, sounds good," Kaneki straightens up with a bob of the head and trails after him.

Touka eyes them for a moment before turning back to scrub at the counter.

* * *

Apart from spilling an entire cup of coffee on himself—Hide assures him it happens all the time, but he isn't so sure since their white sleeves are stainless—Kaneki's first "shift" at Anteiku goes off without any major problems. He almost finds himself a bit disappointed when Hinami flips the sign and Touka shrugs off her vest.

He turns around to ask Hide where he should leave his apron, but the question dies on his lips when he notices Hide's pained grimace. Hide gingerly rubs at the puckered skin around his left temple, one eye screwed closed in pain.

"Are you okay?" Kaneki asks in the lowest voice he can manage, stepping towards Hide with a concerned frown.

Touka glances towards them and clicks her tongue against her teeth. "_Tch_. You idiot," she says, her voice decidedly less sympathetic than Kaneki's. "I told you not to overdo it with a full shift."

"I know, I know." Hide drops his hand and gives them both a dismissive wave. "But that wouldn't have been fair for either of you. Someone had to make sure Kaneki didn't accidentally set the stove on fire."

Kaneki almost interrupts, because, _really, _he's made coffee before, but then he realizes Hide's joke was meant more for softening Touka's frown than to mock his rookie status. Instead, he keeps his lips clamped shut as he observes their exchange. Something about the strained exhaustion behind their words makes him think this isn't the first time they've had this conversation.

"Besides, it was fine up until that one lady dropped her mug on the floor. Seriously, her kid acted like it was the end of the world."

"That was over an hour ago."

"Was it?"

"_Yes." _

They stare at each other for a few seconds, Hide beaming and Touka scowling. Undaunted by their standoff, Hinami hums under her breath as she loads leftover mugs into a tub. Kaneki isn't sure whether to help her or stay frozen, so he remains stranded in the center of the coffee shop and picks at his stained sleeves.

After a lengthy beat of silence, Touka relents with a sigh and a shake of the head. "It doesn't matter. The customers are gone. We don't need to see you making those shitty faces anymore, so get some rest."

"You won't let me help clean up?"

"_Go _or I'll tell the manager."

"Can't argue with that then," Hide shrugs before draping his apron over the nearest chair and heading towards the staff entrance. He pauses and pokes his head through the frame. "Yo, Kaneki. Let me know before you leave. I want to show you a few other things if you'll be working here."

"Uh, okay?"

"_Tch. _Stubborn dumbass," Touka mutters with a shake of the head once the door closes. She moves to the other side of the shop, leaving Kaneki without an assignment. He settles for grabbing a nearby dish rag and heads to the other tables.

"I've never seen such a clean table!" He looks over his shoulder to see Hinami watching him. He glances down and realizes he's been scrubbing the same tabletop for nearly a minute.

"Oh, right." He straightens up and drops the damp rag on the table. "I… I was just thinking about today and got distracted."

"Did you like working here? Will you stay?"

Kaneki smooths down his apron front. It's such a natural gesture already. "I would like to, but I'll have to speak with your manager first to make sure it's okay."

Hinami nods and Kaneki belatedly realizes that they might have just cheated him out of an afternoon without the promise of payment, but he finds he doesn't mind as much as he should.

"Everyone seems nice." He wonders who else he might be working with, if they're as enigmatic as Hide and Touka. "What are the other staff members like?"

"Hmmm… Let's see…" Hinami taps her chin as she considers the Anteiku roster. "Irima-san and Koma-san are funny and nice, but they're much older than us, so I don't really know too much about them. There's Yomo-san, but he only comes in a few times a week. He's _very_ quiet. Oh, and then there's Nishio." Hinami wrinkles her nose a bit. "He's in college, but he always acts like some grouchy old man who likes to be alone."

"Is that so? You know, I'll be in college soon. Maybe I'll become mean and want to be left alone too."

"No, we won't let you," she says with a solemn shake of her head. "Onee-chan and Hi-chan and me will all make sure you stay nice."

He doesn't doubt it. He's only known Hinami and the others for a short time, but he has a feeling they'll make sure he's never alone for too long.

Hinami continues with her sales pitch. "I'm not old enough to work, but the manager lets me help out whenever I want to. I always make sure to come when onee-chan and Hi-chan are working. And now I'll come whenever you're working too!"

Kaneki's eyes reflexively drift towards the staff entrance door. Hinami follows his gaze.

"Are you sure he's alright? He looked like he was in a lot of pain before he left."

"Hi-chan?" Hinami's lips draw into a wry frown. "If he works too long, he'll get really bad headaches and sometimes he'll forget customers' orders."

Kaneki frowns. He wonders if it has anything to do with the scar he saw. "I never would have noticed anything was wrong. He was so cheerful the whole time we were working."

"Hide is really good at hiding it," Hinami says, her lips not quite pulling into a smile. "He doesn't like to make us worry. That's why onee-chan acts so tough and bossy, otherwise he would keep working until he was really hurt."

Kaneki aches to ask why—again, it's another piece of proof that this new Hide couldn't possibly be the Hide he used to know—but he knows it's none of his business. He hears soft _clinking_ and sees Touka stacking clean mugs in the cabinet.

"It looks like we're almost done," Hinami says. "I'll go get Hide before you leave!" She grabs Kaneki's dishrag and tosses it on the main counter before disappearing through the staff entrance door. He looks back over at Touka and wonders if she has any insight to share, but she's too busy to catch his stare.

* * *

By the end of the first week, Kaneki _knows. _

He can feel it in his gut, each time Hide glances over at him or makes an offhanded joke. He sees it in the way Hide waves away problems with a flick of the wrist, how he still scratches the edge of his cheek whenever things get sticky. He hears it in the way Hide laughs, almost like the sound refuses to remain restrained in his chest and bubbles out without care.

(It seems like some things can never be changed. Memories engrained in muscle.)

Kaneki knows his coworker is the best friend he used to have, the best friend who never returned to the park. Still, he can't summon up the courage to confront him, demand to know why Hide abandoned him.

There's no malice in Hide's voice when he asks Kaneki about his hobbies, about his family, about his favorite subjects to study. Things they spent hours talking about until the sun dipped behind the city skyline.

Hide has no memory of him, leaving Kaneki wondering if maybe this is all a cruel trick of fate. He wonders what could have happened in the years since their last meeting that stole Hide's memories of him.

He figures it has something to do with the scar. However, he never asks Hide about it, remembering how he seemed a little embarrassed the first time they met.

_The first time we were reunited_, Kaneki amends. That wasn't the first time they met, no matter how the awkward handshake felt like one between strangers.

He isn't sure how to navigate this new friendship—not for the first time, he wishes he were more outgoing, more willing to take risks with his tongue—but fortunately Hide and Hinami are determined to make him apart of the Anteiku family.

Hinami sits at the bar, swinging her legs as she colors in the petals of a sunflower. She looks up from her coloring book, watching Kaneki as he fills a kettle at the sink.

"Kaneki…"

"Hmm?" He glances towards her, head tilted reflexively.

"Who's your best friend?"

The question catches Kaneki by surprise. He lowers the kettle to the stovetop with a heavy _thud_. Water splashes from the top, dribbling down the cool sides.

"My best… friend?"

"Mmmhmm, who is it? Do you have one?"

Hide appears a few meters away, frowning slightly. "Hinami-chan, you probably shouldn't—"

"It's fine," Kaneki interrupts with a shake of his head. He turns the burner on with a flick of the hand and turns to face them. "It just caught me by surprise," he admits. "I haven't thought about him in a long time."

A lie, but they don't need to know that.

Hinami's brow furrows. "If you haven't thought of him, then how could he be your best friend?"

_"Hinami-chan,_" Hide repeats, his voice lowering a bit. He keeps peeking at Kaneki with a worried frown. Kaneki wonders what Hide sees in his expression that makes him try to change the subject. "Maybe we shou—"

Kaneki perseveres, focusing on Hinami so he can avoid those concerned brown eyes studying him. "I haven't seen him in a long time, but I cared about him a lot. That's what a best friend means, right? They're the one you care the most about. And if we ever cross paths again, I'm sure we'll be best friends again."

Hinami absorbs this before nodding slowly with mashed lips. She still seems curious—her desire to ask more is almost palpable—but now even she senses that maybe this is a topic that should remain unsaid.

Strangely, Kaneki discovers that he doesn't mind talking about his old friendship with Hide, so he keeps talking.

"He was really nice and funny," Kaneki begins. "He was a few years younger than me, so it always seemed like I was the old, boring one. But I don't think that was the case—he really seemed to like being around me. And there were so many times when he knew just what to say to make me feel better, like he was the one who was there to protect me."

(He wonders if Hide recognizes anything he's saying, but he's turned his face from Kaneki in a polite show of privacy and Kaneki can't see his expression.)

"I miss him a lot, actually. Now that I really think about it."

Kaneki eyes the steam rising from the kettle, smiling faintly as he reminisces. It's nice to think about the happier times, even though it feels a bit weird to know the subject of his memories stands a few meters away, completely unaware.

"What happened?" Hide asks, curiosity getting the better of him. He backtracks quickly when he realizes what he's asked. "I, uh, mean—if it isn't too—"

"I'm not sure." Kaneki shrugs. "I guess we grew apart somehow. I haven't seen him for years."

(He's not sure if this is a lie or the truth or if it's something painful smeared between.)

"He sounds like a good guy. Maybe you'll get the chance to introduce us someday?" Hide says after a pause.

"That would be… nice."

They fall silent again and Kaneki wonders if he's said the wrong thing, if he's said too much.

Touka sails by them, depositing a few empty mugs in the sink.

"Who's your best friend, onee-chan?" Hinami asks, breaking the strange silence.

"Yoriko," she responds automatically. She's obviously been eavesdropping, because the question doesn't strike her as odd.

Hide sucks in a sharp, melodramatic breath of air. "_What?_" he exclaims, pressing a hand to his chest in mock dismay. "I thought _I _was your best friend?"

"Hardly," she counters with scoff before heading off with a shake of her head. Still, Kaneki notices that she's smiling.

They all are again; it makes Kaneki grateful to be a part of something. The heaviness from earlier rises and his chest doesn't feel as tight anymore.

"I feel so betrayed," Hide continues, his voice wobbling comically, each shift in pitch eliciting another giggle from Hinami. "To _think_, after all the years we've known each other…"

"Hi-chan—guess who's my best friend!" Hinami asks, her grin threatening to split her face. She shimmies in eager anticipation.

"It has to be me, right?"

"No! It's onee-chan!"

"I can't believe this." Hide presses a hand against his forehead and sighs again, but his shoulders twitch and his teeth peek out from between his mashed lips. "So unfair. Am I right, Kaneki?"

Kaneki laughs softly and wonders what he should say, but he catches a customer frown into his empty mug and excuses himself from their conversation. He's nearly finished with a second round of refills before he realizes that Hide never answered the question himself, how he was the first to try to change the subject.

* * *

"Yo, Kaneki! What are you doing here? Today's your day off, you know?"

Kaneki looks up from his seat at the bar and sees Hide slouched against the counter, the corners of his eyes crinkled with a smile.

"I know," he says quickly. "It's just—I like to read here sometimes."

Hide shakes his head in mock disbelief. "That's what you do on your free days? You _read?_"

He remembers how his cousin used to spit those words, likening Kaneki's fondness for reading to some sort of bizarre habit, worthy of derision. He expects his temper to flare at Hide's teasing, but he realizes there's no reason to be defensive. At least, not around him.

Kaneki smiles and nods. "I have some free time since I've graduated, so I'm trying to read more before university starts."

"Ah, makes sense. Glad I don't have to worry about that for another couple of years." Hide glances around with a strange expression. "But seriously, _here?_ This is where you come?"

Several meters away, Nishiki berates Touka for missing a table, which prompts an ever louder—and fouler—counterremark. Poor Koma, who's just tied on his apron, attempts to deescalate their bickering, but only makes things worse.

"It's peaceful," Kaneki deadpans and Hide laughs, contributing to the overall volume.

(Really, it's a miracle they still have customers, Kaneki thinks. He's surprised the manager hasn't fired all of them in one fell swoop for a quieter, more cooperative staff.)

"Uh huh, _right_."

"I'm serious," Kaneki insists, his smile growing. "And some of the staff members make really good coffee." He picks up his mug and swirls it around, sloshing the dark liquid around the bottom.

"Wait—but I wasn't the one who made that cup?"

Kaneki pretends to be surprised and buries his expression in his coffee mug before it can crack. "Really? That's probably why it's actually good."

Hide groans and nudges Kaneki's shoulder as he takes the seat next to him. "Yeah, yeah. Very funny."

Kaneki lowers his mug back to the table and glances over at Hide. "Since Koma just got here, doesn't that mean you're wasting your break too?"

"Absolutely not," Hide says, grinning. "I'm distracting you from reading. It's one of _my_ favorite hobbies."

"Well, you're doing a good job at it," Kaneki scowls, trying to sound dignified but he knows his stern expression will crumble soon. He settles for another dramatic sigh that makes Hide's grin widen.

(Kaneki enjoys the company at Anteiku far more than the reading. He's barely gotten through a chapter with all the noises and smells distracting him, but he doesn't really mind.)

He supposes there's no point pretending, so he pulls his bookmark from the safety of its sleeve and lays it on the page. He's about to close the book when Hide's hand darts out and grabs his wrist. Kaneki freezes, feeling the skin around Hide's grip buzz.

"That's your bookmark?"

Kaneki feels his chest tighten and he nods stiffly. It's faded and worn, the edges softened from years of absentminded rubbing between thumbs and fingers.

_Does he recognize it?_

"That looks pretty old—like it might disintegrate any second. D'ya want me to get you a napkin or something instead?"

Kaneki glances down at the bookmark and shakes his head. He can just barely make out the weathered outline of a flower and the pale gray of a once-black witch's cloak. He can't even remember what the full picture looked like, but it had something to do with dragons.

"No, it's fine. I like this bookmark. It was a gift from a friend. He made this for me a long time ago."

"Your friend from earlier?"

"Yeah."

Hide reexamines the bookmark. "Jeez, how long ago did he make this?" He squints at the few remaining drawings that are whole enough to be considered "art". "No offense, but it looks like a grade schooler drew it or something."

_Or something. _

"It's okay," Kaneki says with a weak smile. "I've had it for a long time. It's the thought that counts more than the art."

Hide considers his words for a moment longer before slipping off the bar stool and ducking behind the counter. Kaneki hears a drawer open and the scattered sound of items being rummaged through.

"I know she keeps a set somewhere in here… She was over here just last week…"

Kaneki sits up straighter and strains to see what Hide's searching for. Seconds later, he pops back up, a box of well-loved crayons clenched in his hands.

"Crayons?"

"Yeah, Hinami keeps them in there for slow days, remember?" Hide grabs a handful of napkins from a nearby dispenser and drops them in front of Kaneki before reclaiming his seat.

"And napkins?"

"Of course. We need something to draw on, you know. Disposable napkins make the _best_ canvases."

"Draw…on?" Kaneki knows he sounds like a wind-up toy, but he can't quite connect all the dots. They're scattered around like coffee grounds at the bottom of a mug.

"Sure, for making a back up bookmark in case that one gets ruined." Hide shrugs. "I know it won't be the same as the one your friend made, but think of it as a potential placeholder." He grins at his joke and Kaneki groans. "Besides, Hinami should be here any minute and I _know_ she'd love to help."

Kaneki shuts the book and slides it aside, using it as a distraction so he doesn't have to look at Hide right away. He swallows before he speaks, surprised by the unexpectant lump in this throat. "That's very considerate of you."

Hide side-eyes him as he reaches for a wrapper-less pastel blue crayon. "Now look who's wasting their break," he jokes, trying to shift their exchange back into lighthearted territory again. Kaneki appreciates the diversion, because he feels like his sloshing memories will spill over and drown him if even one more drop falls.

"And you thought reading was lame." Kaneki counters with a laugh. He considers the colorful assemblage in front of him before reaching towards the golden yellow crayon.

* * *

"Excuse me—young man. Young man!" Kaneki blinks and turns towards the source of the voice. An elderly lady lowers her wiggling fingers and Kaneki hurries to her table, already anticipating the worst.

"How may I help you?" Kaneki gives her his politest smile.

"I've been waiting for nearly ten minutes for service. I always recommend this place to my friends, but I may have—"

Kaneki mashes his lips together and dips his head apologetically. "I'm sorry for the wait, ma'am," he interrupts before she gets too carried away in her passionate performance review. "I'll take your order now."

"I already _gave_ my order. He's the one who took it." She gestures towards Hide, hovering a few meters away. He glances over at them, the color draining from his face. "I just want to know where my drink is!"

Kaneki offers another placating smile. "I'll go check right away. Uh, what did you order again?"

She repeats her order with a pointed sniff and Kaneki hurries towards the bar to make it. Hide trails closely behind, his expression a mottled mix of pale mortification and flushed embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, man. This was totally my bad," he rushes out as Kaneki reaches for a coffee mug. "I didn't write it down and then I must've forgotten when that family came in and then I got distracted—" Hide groans and shakes his head, fingers brushing his left temple.

Kaneki tips the hot water into the mug and says nothing. He certainly doesn't mind—and the customer brightened immediately when he offered to add in a free coffee cake for her patience—but he knows he needs to be careful with how he responds. After several weeks of working with Hide, he knows how insecure his friend gets about his spotty memory. It's the only thing capable of fracturing Hide's cheer and Kaneki hates when it happens.

He finishes up the woman's drink and delivers it with a free slice of cake and another dip of the head.

Hide exhales and gives him a shaky smile when he returns with an affirming nod. "Thanks, Kaneki. I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it," he says, putting the glass lid back over the divvyed up coffee cake. "Once I mentioned the cake was on the house, she didn't mind the wait at all."

"That's a relie—"

"What's all this about giving free desserts away?" Nishiki cuts into their conversation with crossed arms. "If you forgot another order again, this one'll come out of your paycheck," he adds, scowling at Hide.

Hide winces and opens his mouth. "Yeah, it wa—"

"It was my fault!" Kaneki hastily interrupts, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he can figure out where they're coming from. "There was a delay because I wasn't sure how to make her order, so Hide had to come over and help. I wanted to thank her for her patience, so I offered her a free slice of cake."

Hide frowns and sends him a confused quirk of the eyebrow, but Nishiki accepts Kaneki's excuse with a curt nod. "Very well. Make sure you know how to do it properly in the future so you don't hold everyone else up again. Nagachika should train you more thoroughly."

Kaneki accepts his sharp words with a bob of the head. Hide offers a weak titter and scratches the side of his cheek, periodically peeking at Kaneki.

Nishiki glances between the two of them and shakes his head with a roll of the eyes. "Now stop standing around and get back to work," he says before stalking to the other side of the shop. Kaneki moves to follow him but Hide snags his sleeve. Kaneki pauses and turns with a blink.

"Thank you, Kaneki. I—you didn't have to cover for me, you know. Nishiki's seen me screw up royally before. But, uh, I appreciate it."

Kaneki shrugs off Hide's gratitude with a smile. "It really wasn't a big deal. I think he just wanted someone to boss around, so it might as well have been the new hire."

Kaneki doesn't admit that he took the blame for an ulterior motive. He knows Hide always grows sullener in the moments following his more troublesome episodes and he hopes that his intervention might have staved off another quiet, strained shift.

"Besides, what are friends for?" he offers and Hide's dreary expression brightens.

"Right, friends."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! :)**


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